I didn’t speak up because I didn’t want to be pitied.
I was ashamed.
And I guess that at the end of the day, I didn’t want to freaking talk about it!
My heart felt completely exposed. And raw. I had a sense that I needed to slow down and bring myself back from the obsession of getting pregnant to a more sane place.
But I COULDN’T. I didn’t know how.
I couldn’t slow down because I was already “running out of time.”
I couldn’t slow down because it already took 3 months to get an appointment.
I couldn’t slow down because I feared that if I paused for even a brief second, I’d completely fall apart.
So I relentlessly moved forward. I ignored the warning signs that my stress levels were dangerously high.
The pressure to get pregnant…..placed upon myself, was unbearable.
But bear it I did. Month after month. Year after year. Without reprieve. The only thing that mattered was dedicating every waking second to researching and analyzing how to become pregnant. Nothing else mattered, including me.
My struggle with infertility lasted many years. So many years in fact that I was forced to learn tactics to keep myself sane. I searched for help. Desperately. I reached out to friends and professionals for guidance.
But what I really needed and eventually found was the ability to calm myself every day. I needed to get control of my all-consuming thoughts about infertility. These thoughts had taken over my entire life.
I finally found relief through doing journal exercises and THEN getting the tension out of my body through yoga. These 2 things went hand in hand. Writing was the key ingredient in helping me find ME again. But it wasn’t enough. Physical movement was crucial for getting the accumulated stress out of my body. I found a shelter and safe place away from infertility on my yoga mat.
The ONLY GOAL of my journal exercises and Yoga Sequences was to help myself get through infertility. Not necessarily to “thrive” or “live my best life” Oprah style, but just to get through such a harrowing experience.
And to do this, I used the framework of Yogic Practices as my guide.
Let’s move our bodies, journal, meditate and BREATHE……
So join me dear one. I honor you. I honor your strength and courage. I have a very deep faith in YOU. In your ability to heal and come back to yourself. Hold your head high. Because there is no one stronger than you. Truly. Those who pass through the fire of infertility possess so much dignity.
I know you. I am you. Let’s come out of the shadows. Together. Because there is no shame found here. We are formidable and powerful. And also feminine and soft. The Divine lives within us all.
Sending you peace and love.