I’d been dreading doing this for 4 years.

I had been lazy and complacent for FOUR years.   Yes I am in fact talking about switching car insurance.  I may have come out of the gate there a little too strong but that’s really how I felt!

Obviously this may seem like a boring thing to discuss.  Many people change insurance policies all the time.  So why are you boring us you may ask?  Well…..sometimes those ordinary interactions become life lessons.

Not like a mother shaking her finger at you saying”life lessons,” but a real come to Jesus moment.

My husband handles 90% of all human interaction in our marriage.  Almost to a ridiculous extent.  Being at work is honestly more than enough social interaction for me.

When we go out to dinner he’s the one talking to the waiter.  He pays the bills, he calls Comcast every month (because god forbid the bill ever be correct), he stays home with the plumber.

This goes against all my feminist inclinations to “HEAR ME ROAR.” Aren’t dichotomies in life fun?

I am not proud of my limited capability for tolerance.  I am quick to anger and my ego thinks everything is about me: “They just HAVE to be talking about me.  “He used such a condescending tone, he must think I’m stupid.”

To say I have a lot of “soft” spots that are easily hurt is an understatement.

In saying all of this, occasionally I volunteer to put my big girl pants on and venture out into the scary world of people, i.e. finding a new insurance agent.

Naturally I have a strong distaste for salesmen.  And yes I did mean to say salesMEN.  I can smell bullshit 100 miles away and I always have a firm grasp of what I want and need.

Clearly I reached out to an agent via facebook.  Who really calls anymore anymore.  Certainly not me!  And guess what happened.  I’m sure you can guess.  He picked up the phone right away and CALLED me.  Sigh.

Of course like anyone in his position, he needed details about me.  Now I recognize this is normal business operations.  But I hated every.second.of.it!  I like to think that because my husband is in IT and I watch a lot of Cyberwar…..that those are legitimate reasons to not disclose info.

But when it comes right down to it…..I am D I S T R U S T F U L.

It’s probably not an overstatement to stay that I’m distrustful of almost everyone and everything.  Now what the hell reason do I have to be THAT distrustful?  Well I think we can all assume that I could fill an entire book.  Just like everyone else.

But let’s swing back to what I like to call my in person interview of this insurance agent.  I like nothing more than really looking someone in the eye and seeing if they can match what I bring to the table.  And you know what?  He was lovely.

A charm your pants off kind of guy who seemed genuinely nice.  Albeit still “salesman-y,” but to an acceptable degree.

In the end we were able to laugh together.  He felt comfortable enough to jokingly share that his whole office was trying to find information about me online to help with the quote.  But surprisingly all of my accounts were PRIVATE!

In good spirits he amusingly ready our texts out loud while my husband laughed until he cried.

Him: Thank you so much for reaching out and giving me a shot at your business.  I want to make this as convenient and quick as possible for you.
Me:  Alright
Him:  I will need DOB, drivers licenses, accidents, level of coverage desired and on and on!!!
Me:  Jessica Desai.

Well you get the idea.  Not a very gracious person to talk to right?!  But he was gracious back.

It is interactions like these that make me take a step back and wonder where my drive went to open and relax my heart with people.  To take a breath when I feel my chest tighten with anger or annoyance.  To realize that none of what happens is likely personal.

To allow room and space for each days complexity.  To not close down in fear of the POSSIBILITY of being hurt.  All Buddhist lessons that I like to think that I subscribe to!

People are not scary.  People are just people.  And they don’t deserve the negative energy I extend to them.  We are all in this boat together.  All of us have the same fears, insecurities, and sadness.

And guess what?  Even if you meet a truly terrible person it really doesn’t matter.  Because YOU will be ok.  You will ALWAYS be ok.

My typical response to this interaction is to feel shame.  Shame that I’ve veered off my path and have found a comfortable nook in my dark distrustful cave.  But not this time.  I’ve chosen that same shameful path my whole life.  Shame is a waste of time and kills the spirit.

Next time I will just do better.  And I will remember to breathe and relax now more than ever due to this interaction.

I will begin again.  And probably again.  But the point is to keep trying no matter how many times you find yourself holed up inside YOURSELF.

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