When I say there are things about myself that I just can’t accept, what exactly do I mean?
What qualities do I have that are SO bad that I feel this ashamed about myself? Everyday. All day. For years.
In the back of my mind I vaguely know. And I think I’m like a lot of people who have this gnawing feeling that something is wrong with them.
We can’t exactly put our finger on WHAT that “wrong” thing is. But it sits like a dark formless cloud above us at all times.
I decided one day to just write down my bad qualities. I wanted to see who this big bad boogey man really was. I’d had enough of it shape shifting and hiding in shadows.
I wanted to see on paper what exactly made me such a “bad person.” I was done with the secrecy. Done trying to push it down or convince myself that “it’s probably nothing.”
Here are but a few of them:
I am infertile.
I am a bitch. Like all the time.
I am unforgiving and harbor anger for past wrongs.
I am anxious and am not present for life and loved ones because of it.
I am distrustful and suspicious of everyone.
Ok well there’s the top 5.
Actually it doesn’t seem THAT bad. Not as bad as it seemed in my brain. It’s not great. I don’t feel good about it. But it can be worked with.
You see what we TELL ourselves about OURSELVES matters! Our thoughts literally affect our entire lives.
What we believe about who we are and our experiences in this life seep down into our bodies. Anxiety and depression form and we get sick.
And for what? Because we struggle with a variety of things? So what! That simply makes us JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!
Because we are not bad. Or sinful. Or damaged. We are whole. And valuable. And worthy.
That’s the truth.
Once we’ve identified all of our “bad” qualities, it’s important to then REFRAME and reword them to reflect the TRUTH.
- I am infertile.
Reword: I have not been able to have a baby thus far through no fault of my own.
Accept/Change: There is grief and guilt inside about my infertility. The only thing I can do is feel it when it comes up and then keep living my life. There is still a lot to look forward to and I refuse to let this 1 thing be the defining factor of my life.
- I am a bitch. Like all the time.
Reword to: I am a bitch sometimes.
Accept/Change: I am working on tolerating others for MYSELF! And the more I like and accept myself, the more I can like and accept others.
- I am unforgiving and harbor anger for past wrongs.
Reword to: I have unforgiving feelings about a few situations and am working towards healing!
Accept/Change: I am learning to forgive my parents and thus myself by telling my story. Working through these exercises have helped loosen the grip of unforgiveness. Breaking Family Patterns Mother healing
- I am anxious and am not present for life and loved ones because of it
Reword: I experience anxiety at times. This is normal and a part of the human experience.
Accept/Change: I acknowledge that anxiety is a struggle of mine. I have changed my relationship with anxiety to view it like I have CHOSEN it. Because it is actually my path to liberation. I will find freedom through anxiety, instead of feeling like a victim to it.
- I am distrustful and suspicious of everyone.
Reword: At times I have felt distrustful/suspicious of people. Maybe it was warranted, maybe not.
Accept/Change: There is a history there that extends far back. But working on trusting and accepting MYSELF through Explore YOU: 1st Chakra has made me feel safe in this world. I can trust myself. That’s all that matters.
So see for yourself if the boogey man is as scary as it seems.
In fact look to see if what you wrote down is even TRUE. A lot of it is probably exaggerated. A good sign of exaggeration are non-negotiable statements like: “I AM a bitch.”
We as people will never be all or nothing. So let’s put these statements into perspective. “SOMETIMES I act bitchy.” It’s not who I am.
Are we perfect? Nope! Are we claiming to be? Also nope! We are human. On this beautiful journey together toward self discovery. And acceptance.
Please give yourself a break. Even if it is just for today. You deserve it. You are VALUABLE.
Sending you so much love and light.
Next step! This Present Moment. Stop and take a Breath.