***Warning. This video can be very triggering. If you are really struggling emotionally right now, please do not watch it or take good care of yourself after watching it ♥ ***
I saw this American Greetings commercial this morning and it made me cry. And then cry some more. Crying turned into sobbing.
And not the cute….”oh I have a little moisture in my eye.”
No, the ugly cry.
The type of cry that squeezes so tightly on your heart that you wonder if it will just finally break.
Those of us dealing with infertility experience such a profound sadness. And a heart that is so bruised and raw. Because it takes such a forceful and damaging HIT every 4 weeks. The hits just keep coming with no end in sight.
There is no chance to heal, or at the very least, tourniquet your ruptured heart.
Infertility is so cruel. It lures you over and over into hope and excitement. So you gather what energy is left and scrape up as much hope as you can muster to try yet again:
“This time could be different.” “You never know, miracles DO happen.” “I just have to stay strong and have faith.“
And then you get your period. And you get it again. Month after month.
Who in this world could stay strong in the face of such disappointment and loss?
But incredibly we do. With superhuman strength it seems.
I wish I had something more uplifting to say at the end of this. And usually I do. Because I am on the other side of infertility. If that’s even a thing!
I have stopped treatment. Stopped trying for a family altogether.
I am happy and have found my purpose through this life-changing experience. But there is still a great sadness within me. And that sadness will never go away.
And why should it? The experience of infertility broke my heart. So it’s ok to have some soft spots in those broken places. These spots still feel very tender and new.
And it might always feel that way. And that’s ok. That is normal. It means I’m human.
My heart goes out to all the women still in the struggle. My heart aches for you. With you. I know how much you’re hurting.
YOU’RE NOT ALONE. Let me say that again…YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY NOT ALONE.
You’re so important to this world. So valuable.
I bow to your courage and enduring spirit. You have a fearless heart that is like no other. You continue to stand up after each blow. What such dignity and grace. Truly.
I stand with you. Unashamed. Let’s hold our head high.
I continue to hope with you. And hold your hand.
You are enough. More than enough.